Recently it has been brought to my attention that I sometimes tend to be a negative person, particularly when writing my weekly editorial. It should sadden me that the public perception of me is that I am all dark and twisty, or, as one reader put it, “whiny”. But really, I’m cool with it. I kind of even get a kick out of it.
You see, this perception of Sydnee Bryant is not entirely accurate. Real Sydnee (as in, not your editorial muse but the person who generally types her columns on a bright pink laptop that would seem more at home in Barbie’s dream house than it would an office) is quite chipper. Perky, even. Sure, my level of bright, cheery sunshiny-ness has diminished somewhat over the years (at university a classmate asked me if I had been a cheerleader in high school. I informed him that while my high school did not have a cheerleading squad, if we had I sooo would have been captain! No one has asked me that question post-university) but I like to think I am not a dreary, drab person. I like rainbows, fluffy kittens and chick flicks, and I’m proud of it. Many of my accessories are pink, the brighter, the better. I can dredge up excited shrieks of “omigod!!!!” as well as the next girl if the occasion warrants it. My long, drawn out point is I’m a girly-girl, and quite a cheerful one at that.
But that’s regular Sydnee. Editorial Sydnee is quite different. Editorial Sydnee gets mean. She hates exclamation marks. She would never think to use a smiley-face emoticon in her writing because a) it is simply not professional, and b) it would look kind of stupid. Editorial Sydnee gets her jollies from politicians messing up, funding cuts to important programs and train wrecks because those are the things that make for good news. These are the things that most people tend to avoid hearing about and pretend didn’t happen. Most people tune out any news of slashed budgets and constitution violations because it bums them out. Most people call this “voter apathy.” I call it voter avoidance. When bad things happen, people usually just don’t want to know. Unless bad news involves a sex scandal, people tend to bury their heads in the proverbial sand.
But people need to know when trains derail and political parties screw over the little people because it affects their lives whether or not they pay attention to it. It’s my job as a reporter and editorialist to ensure that people know what’s going on in the world, no matter how ugly it is.
However, I will leave you with some awesome, cheerful news as a favour to all of you, my dear friends, for putting up with the not-so-cheerful editorials. It’s involves one of my favourite subjects: nail polish. A company called Creative Nail Designs has created a nail polish that actually dries instantaneously. Male readers, this probably means nothing to you. But for those of us who like our nails to be pretty year-round, this news probably resulted in many “omigod!!!!” shrieks. The polish, known as Shellac, has now come to Alberta. Basically, the manicurist applies the base coat, two coats of Shellac polish and a top coat, as per usual. But in between coats the nails are put under a UV lamp, like the ones used for gel nails. This eliminates drying time, making the polish literally smudge-free from the second your manicure or pedicure is complete. No more time wasted sitting perfectly still while you wait for your nails to dry, only to smudge them the second you attempt pet a kitty or grab your keys. I can’t tell you how many nights I’ve spent on my couch waiting for my nails to dry, only to ruin them the second I decide my nails must be dry by now. Of course, I’m pretty chipper so I never let this ruin my day or anything.
This new Shellac nail stuff truly is the breakthrough of the century. Never mind that Canadian researchers found an anti-AIDS treatment this week or that an American ad campaign is encouraging people not to travel to Alberta because of our oil and gas industry, threatening to cripple our tourism industry. Who wants to hear about that stuff? I’m so glad I finally have something to talk about other than war, the crumbling economy and the upcoming municipal elections. Aren’t you glad I’ve filled you in on what’s truly important this week?
Yeah, I thought so.
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