Oh Fudge!

Edmonton Police Chief Mike Boyd has banned his officers from using foul language in an attempt to improve the image of the Edmonton Police Force. Although profanity has always been frowned upon, police officers are now officially no longer allowed to swear while on duty.

The no-cussing decree is just the latest publicity move from the Edmonton Police chief in an attempt to create more warm and fuzzy feelings between the police force and the public by making police officers seem more gentlemanly. Boyd also implemented a new dress code about a year ago, one that limited plainclothes officers to wearing dress shirts, ties and jackets. Boyd also enforced a policy that requires officers to wear their hats while walking the city’s streets. This move was supposed to not only make police more popular with the public but also boost the police squad’s morale. Oddly, it doesn’t seem to have worked. I can’t imagine why; isn’t everyone crazy about a sharp dressed man?

Normally, I would fully support anyone group’s decision to dress nicer but in this case, I’m sure the only people who got any sort of boost from the police force wearing ties are the salespeople at Moore’s. If I were to be held at gunpoint by some dastardly criminal, would I care if the plainclothes officer who came to my aid was stylish and well-mannered or if the on-duty police officer coming to my rescue was wearing a chapeau? No, I care if they can do their job properly and save my ass. If the police officer who rescued me from my hypothetical dilemma wore jeans and cussed like a sailor, I doubt I would really notice. Unless, of course, their shoes were, like, so last season.

Of course, most workplaces do require employees to adhere to a dress code. Dress codes can range from pyjamas (freelance journalist) to a coat and tails, with a top hat (carriage driver). But it’s one thing for Edmonton police officers to adhere to a reasonable dress code, it’s another thing to say that the dress code is in place to boost morale and enhance the public’s view of police officers. And I’ve never heard of a workplace that actually managed to enforce a no swearing policy, except, presumably daycares and elementary schools.

Obviously, the police force is feeling a little unloved lately. How else can you explain the 46 per cent of officers who are either dissatisfied or extremely dissatisfied with workplace morale, as shown by an internal survey this past January? The same survey showed that 51 per cent of respondents have seriously considered quitting the police department in the past year, according to a recent article in the Edmonton Journal. But hey, who cares if police officers are unhappy at work, as long as they look good doing their jobs?

Boyd does need to find a way to make these unhappy officers want to stay. And it’s nice that he’s trying, what with his attempts to tell his officers how to dress and talk, but his efforts so far seem to have missed the mark. Perhaps Boyd should make all his officers take a ball-room dancing class; that always cheers me up, plus what could be more gentlemanly than an officer who can waltz?

I personally don’t care if police officers swear or not, as long as they exercise some common sense about when and where to swear. There are certain situations were police officers definitely should not swear, such as when they are dealing with children, but to expect police officers to never, ever swear while serving and protecting the public is ridiculous. Have you ever been shot
at? I haven’t (yet), but if I was, I am quite certan I would instinctively let a few profanity-laced expletives loose. Really, really creative expletives that adequately expressed my feelings of terror.

Police officers often work in high-stress environments that can turn deadly in an instant. They probably don’t have time to stop in the middle of a hostage negotiation to do some calming yoga poses. Police officers need a more efficient way to blow off steam. I mean, isn’t that what wearing was invented for?

Most police officers have enough common sense to know when swearing is appropriate and when it is best just to bite one’s tongue. And if an officer drops a few F-bombs at the wrong moment, the police chief could always just wash their mouths out with soap instead of bringing them up on disciplinary charges.

Forcing new rules, like the new no-swearing policy, will only serve to lower the Edmonton Police officers’ morale. Treating police officers like children by telling them what they can and cannot say is not a long-term solution to the problems the Edmonton Police Force is facing.